update

well i havent written here in a loooooooooooooooooooong time so here goes.......

ED is back and ill be going back into hospital between end of oct and early nov. nervous but ready. i think i am ;/

Its extremely foggy here...kinda neat

i found my digital camera cord so im excited about that as photography is one of my passions.

Today im feeling scared, hopeful, loved, and grateful. night is hardest for me depression wise. im ok though.

love you all

kt

ana

anorexia is running and ruining my life! im so angry and yet so entwined. i cant stop crying sometimes. i want my life back and i am scared to let go at the same time of this monster who is destroying me. what gives!? 

will i ever be free

or will death be my destiny

Its been a long time since Ive blogged so here I am....

Not much is new, same struggles with food, fighting binging, sticking to under 300 cals/day ive decided starting tomorrow. This includes liquid cals too.

Im currently 124 lbs and 5'3. Ya, disgusting i know. I hope to lose at least 25 lbs ASAP as long as IP and housing dont stand in my way.

I have fallen in love with Zumba and do it twice or more a day now too. Its so much fun and good cardio.It makes me happy. Zumba and powerwalking.

I just have to stop binging. Its stupid and I hate myself after. I feel more confident when restricting.

Anyways, yay for a new year and a new start.

happy new year everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fatso

Ate like 2000 cals today.... im generally under 500. Today has been out of control. I even had a little McDonalds. Im so ashamed! I need to get back into my restricting regime ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im not allowed to fast or i would. Im good at that. If I do though, Ill end up homeless. Soooo that leaves restricting. Im not going to bother counting Christmas eve and Christmas day as I will be with my mom and she wont even let me restrict without her losing it on me. I hate it when shes mad so its easier to comply and it will make her happy. She deserves that at least.

Heres my current stats:

hw-180
lw-89.6
cw-120 *ick*
gw1-110
gw2-98
ugw-85 and under
height-5'3

peace, God bless and good night,

kt

day 2 and gained!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!wtf!

im on day 2 of my fast and i gained 1.4 lbs! wtf!!!!!!!!!!!! i eat nothing and i gain!? im pissed off but im not giving up! its gotta be water or some crap...i dont understand. im so upset!

master cleanse today

im starting the master cleanse today. i think coffee is going to be a challenge to give up and diet pop and energy drinks and black teas....im only allowed herbal teas:/....plus the lemonade/cayenne/maple syrup solution ( i leave out the calorific maple syrup though)... i need to buy some sea salt for the salt water flush and some herbal laxies it says... http://themastercleanse.org/ .... anyways, i better see results...im plateaued at about 101.6ish...its been stuck there a week and ive been restricting under 350 cal most days and under 500 all days....its not enough i guess so im doing this... anyone can join me.... go to the website and read the directions. theres more to it than even i knew about.... hope everyone is well
k

back on track

im on day 2 of my fast (4th in the last 2 months) finally! i was 111.4 lbs yesterday and this morning im 109.6. mostly water weight i bet but still motivation! i feel awesome and happy again! ill be under 100 i hope in no time and ill keep going till i medically cant. i have glucose tabs bause my blood sugars drop first (they're only 15 cals each and stop me from collapsing)and im not sure what to do re: blood pressure stability because that seems to drop with me as well and i need them to think im eating so i can get treatment. its complicated. yes, im still proana but i dont enjoy having an ed and would like help to recover one day. Anyways, thats me. i feel good...i wish you all are doing better now too. stay strong and nothing can go wrong.
peace and love,
k

ps:34 days clean and sober